22nd 2011
The More You Know: Music Biz Edition

Posted under Jazz Writing & Podcast

Earlier today I started tweeting a series of snarky tips for musicians and music industry folks. They were retweeted quite a bit, so I decided to collect them all here. You can follow me on Twitter at @jasondcrane. Enjoy!

  • Every time your web site begins playing music automatically, a puppy spontaneously combusts.
  • Every time someone is forced to visit myspace to learn more about your music, a baby seal falls into a meat grinder.
  • If you’re an active musician whose web site was last updated a few months ago, you’re causing global warming.
  • Every time you send out a promo CD with no track titles or musician names, a butterfly flaps its wings and they fall off.
  • Every time someone visits your gig calendar and finds it was last updated in 2009, Dick Cheney shoots a guy in the face.
  • Every time your bio lists your “forthcoming CD” as one that came out 3 years ago, George W. Bush chops down a redwood.
  • Every time you make me type your CD details into my music software because you forgot, Donald Rumsfeld has an orgasm.
  • Every time you put a comment form rather than your email address on your web site, an old person loses their health care.
  • Every time your bio is a long list of the people you’ve “shared the stage with,” more oil spills into the Gulf of Mexico.
  • Musicians: If you have a Twitter account & haven’t tweeted in weeks or months, you don’t have a Twitter account.


3 Responses to “The More You Know: Music Biz Edition”

  1. Dan Cavanagh on 23 Aug 2011 at 10:31 am #

    Haha, and this is a comment form instead of your email :)

    Seriously, these are all spot-on. Glad your session podcast is able to continue.

  2. bgporter on 09 Aug 2013 at 10:55 am #

    If I can’t see your site on my iPad because it requires Flash, McDonald’s starts putting pink slime in their burgers again.

  3. Jason Crane on 09 Aug 2013 at 11:20 am #

    Dan: Just to be clear, I’m talking about a contact form, not a comment box. And Brett, I love your addition.

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